My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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