paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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