Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
How naked do you want me to be?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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