Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
