Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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