hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
