Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
