wanna go halves on a baby?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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