Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ambien. No doubt about it.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
