I wish I could punch you in the face.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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