I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
