Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
