she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
