i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
