Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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