the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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