Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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