When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
