Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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