ya dads aren't the best wingmen
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
