we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
