He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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