porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
