i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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