Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
