you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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