Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
