I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
