I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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