no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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