she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
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I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
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i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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