i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
