So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
