Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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