im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
