Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
