She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
