Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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