i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
