If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
