I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
