Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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