I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
