ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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