His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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