people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
