I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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