these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
