I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
