I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
