do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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