I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
