can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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