Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
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did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
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I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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