her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
