The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
