I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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