Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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