my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I enjoy the company of your penis
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
