Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
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Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
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Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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