Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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