Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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