her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize