Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
