Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
