Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
