If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
