I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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