you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
