She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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