I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
