it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
