Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
