I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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