is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
