3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You're my little dorito
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
did you just send me my own nude
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
