i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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