I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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