I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
