So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
