You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
